What does it mean to have a favourite?
Is it a preference: Given the choice, you’d rather have your favourite.
Is it a scale issue: Your favourite is something you always want more of.
Is it a judgement: Your favourite is the one you think is the best.
Is it a relationships: Your favourite is the one that make you happiest (or some other positive emotion).
Is it circumstantial: It’s the best you’ve found (so far).
They’re just spiced fruit buns with flour water drizzled on top.
But they’re so delicious.
Why?
Maybe it’s the bun packaging of the spiced-fruit-bread usually found in loaf form.
Perhaps it’s the novelty of having ‘decorated’ bread (fairy bread anyone?)
Maybe its the fact that they usually sell so quickly (and eaten so fast) that they’re always fresher than the average bread.
Or maybe its the finitude factor (new word, look it up), combined with a good bit of placebo and nostalgia: We remember them being delicious, so expect them to be delicious, and it only happens once per year, so we enjoy them!
Or maybe I just really like spiced fruit bread?
“With great power comes great responsibility”.
The oft-quoted wisdom of Uncle Ben certainly makes the point that power and responsibility go hand in hand.
This issue, of course, is with balance.
Lots of power, very little responsibility: Potential destruction.
Significant responsibility, minimal power: Stall, apathy, and dissatisfaction on all fronts.
If you’re given some responsibility, make sure it comes with the power to fulfil it.
How many people get a bad reputation for not fulfilling their responsibilities, who really just lack the necessary power to effect the actions required to meet the responsibility?
A list:
We require basic functional requirements: food, water, shelter.
We also seek some essential requirements: connection with people, meaning, and purpose.
We share a place: it might be a household, a neighbourhood, a city, or at least a planet.
We’re together: If you’re reading this, you’re with everyone else reading it. If you;’re thinking about someone else, you have a relationship with them. Or to put it this way, none of us are alone.
There are many sayings about starting something. “The longest journey begins with a single step” and all that.
The first step is often painted as the hardest part.
I’m not sure I agree.
What’s hard, is figuring out where you’re starting from. Taking the first step without knowing what you’re standing on, or what you’re taking with you is pretty hard might be hard, but it also might be a waste of time.
Taking the time to reflect, listen and acknowledge where you’re starting from take guts, time and vulnerability. But once you know where you are, you’re often in a great position to start.
Going somewhere? Take your time.
Stop off along the way. Stay a night, even.
And if you’re spending time, why not share it.
An hour of your time spent with someone, gives it to two people.
If you want to live in a tiny house, do it.
If you want to own a McMansion, do it.
When we’ve figured something out that makes us happy, it’s cause for celebration, not comparison and critique.
If we think it’s something that will make others happy too, tell people about it.
Try and convince people it’s good for them, even. If you’re a friend, they’ll be offended if you don’t.
But, be open for critique on how you go about it.
How often does the phrase ‘every cloud has a silver lining’ not make you cringe?
While it’s good to look for the small sparkly edge in everything, it might be more helpful to remember that the sky is blue.
The sky is always blue, and stating it doesn’t diminish the number, size, of intensity of the storm clouds, it’s just a reminder that they’re not the full picture, nor are they the whole reality.
I’ve been digging into new books and uncovered some curious questions. Here’s a few.
If we’re not our emotions or our thoughts, what are we?
What makes up the self? How about emotionality, spirituality and morality?
If there is body memory, is there body intelligence? IQ, EQ and PQ (intellectual, emotional and physical intelligence?)
Isn’t mythopoetic a great word?
If I can change my brain on purpose, what is it that choses?
Note, psychology can apparently turn philosophical when you try and apply it…
Going away usually means packing up a suitcase (or other travel bag) and getting into some form of transport (or walking boots) and leaving the place you normally live for a while. At least overnight.
It’s refreshing, recreational, relaxing, and refilling.
But it turns out, you don’t have to do all of the going, to get away.
Here’s some other ways to be away, without going (too far):
Stay a night at your friend’s place. You can house swap for a night or two.
Get outside and get moving. Spending a chunk of time in nature is always worthwhile.
Eat something different. Or, eat something traditional. Food features in our experience, so make a point of choosing what you eat as a break from the norm.
Plan a routine. Or rather, plan what your routine will be. And make it different. Your routine might be no routine, consistently make it up as you go.
Do nothing. For at least an hour, plan to do nothing, achieve nothing.
Nap. This is a personal favourite, but learning how to nap well is a skill and art form, and knowing you can and will nap is awesome!
Have you every seen a family where multiple generations of the same family obviously have the same interests? They’re dressed alike, same branded t-shirts, same shoes (usually). And often the same club/organisation hat.
I figured out where the phrase ‘old hat’ come from. As in, “they’re an old hat” referring to someone who’s done something for years.
Grandad’s club hat is the oldest. It’s faded, fraying and has an old version of the logo on it. And it says 1956 on the back.
Dad’s hat’s not looking too bad. It’s got a different type of buckle, and no holes.
And the kid’s hat is brand new. Bought for their birthday. Way too big, but they’ll grow into it.
Dad’s an old hat, but grandad’s the oldest.
When was the last time your were a newbie?
We’re missing out on growth, learning, and probably a little bit of terror if we stay in our safe bubble of what we know.
There’s so many opportunities for new experiences and new knowledge, there’s very little holding many of us back from trying something new.
A friend of my has been pulling together though provoking documentaries each Friday night. And boy, they get the brain going!
Today’s instalment was on inequality, specifically in the USA.
I’m no expert on economics, but this Noam Chomsky documentary and this Joseph Stiglitz book have certainly got me thinking.
If you like to think about things that matter, or don’t like how you think things are, or think everything is just fine as it is, they’re for you.
#curatedbychris
A wise person once told me: Mismatched expectations are the consistent killer of relationships.
It’s turned out, in my experience, to be fairly true.
It doesn’t matter what the relationship is, mismatched (and subsequently broken) expectation will do you in.
It could be a business/customer relationship.
Or a close friend.
Perhaps a new acquaintance.
Or parents-in-law.
Maybe your teenage son.
Or partner.
Or maybe, even just your relationship with yourself?
When was the last time you checked to see if your expectations were a) being met b) reasonable and c) clear?
It doesn’t matter whether you love people, ideas or experiences, it’s the connections that make them meaningful.
A single idea, fact or truth is more meaningful when connected to a larger framework of understanding.
Moments what would typically be mundane, like blowing out a candle have greater meaning when connected to someone, like your mum’s birthday cake.
Experiences can be awesome by themselves but have real strength and lasting impact when they are shared with others or brought to mind by deliberate reflection or in response to later events.
If you’ve got a clean slate, a sandbox, and playground to build in, with no rules, no restrictions, no prerequisites, the only thing standing in the way of you and success is yourself.
You set the task. You define success.
You fail.
Failing hurst, but it’s much more comfortable when someone else has set the agenda, defined the terms, and set out the course. When you fail at a game of your own making, honest self reflection is going to hurt.
But that’s where the growth is. That’s where the future success is. Because most of the time, we’re playing someone else’s game, to someone else rules, with someone else judging us. And while we’re our biggest asset, we’re also our biggest liability.
So go out, make up a game, and fail at it.
The figure out why, and change that.
It’s easy to get caught up in the downsides. Reflecting on what could have been, or should have been, but wasn’t.
Doing anything differently requires effort. Conscious, deliberate effort.
Effort to push against the dominant narrative of sensationalist media.
Effort to navigate fear and scarcity-based leadership anecdotes and destructive visions.
And effort to rebalance our own internal mental predisposition to focus on the downside.
The upside of the upside, is that it takes us up!
Try this.
Think of a good thing that happened today.
Write it down.
Now think of what you did that made that happen.
Write that down too.
Rinse, repeat. Three times in total.
Apparently, not everyone is able to nap.
I’m not sure whether this is a hard-wired situation, or simply a case of habit. Regardless, there’s a whole bunch of people missing out on the great benefits of napping.
It turns out, being able to nap is a good predictor of behind able to sleep while travelling. And despite how good the inflight entertainment, no-one actually enjoys long-haul flights. Sleeping is the simple way to shorten your travel time! And possibly help with jetlag. Nappers travel better,
If you have children, your day can start at 5am and then be continually emotionally and physically demanding all the way through until 8pm. No-one has the stamina to do that day-in and day-out. Being able to make the most of any nap-time, no matter how short, is a straight-up survival skill.
And finally, who doesn’t like lying down, being warm and comfy, and just enjoying the moment fully. Even if you don’t fall asleep, it’s nice just to rest every so-often.
The key is timing. Limit naps fo 5 - 20 minutes (or even a 30-second rest of the eye can work wonders), or commit to a full 1.5 hours. Wake up after an hour: grumpy for the rest of the day. Power through 3 hours: You’re probably not going to be able to get to sleep that night.
*Everything in this post is anecdotal. But if you know/have related science, send it to me!
Friends are a multiplier for life. Having two friends is more than twice as good as having one friend.
Take something as mundane as gardening.
Just you gardening means (say) 6 hours work on a Saturday.
Add a friend, and here’s what happens:
2x work hours for every hour. That’s the obvious one.
Work for longer, because you’re working together.
Get some things done faster because some things are easier with two people. Like unloading a trailer at the dump, or pulling out a tree stump.
Get some things done you wouldn’t have because either it requires to people, or you just wouldn’t have thought of it.
Access to tools, vehicles and knowledge.
Have more fun.
Sure, this doesn’t always apply, or it applies up to a point, but if you can identify the areas of your life where mates. have a multiplier effect, you can really get some stuff done (and have a good time).
It can be pretty hard to see another way when you’re inside the status quo.
Here’s a few things that might be helpful when you’re looking to make a leap out of a broken system:
Accept you won’t get there on the first try.
Find some friends to go with you.
Make friends with people who have already started.
Give yourself time to prepare.
Read a lot.
Make a plan. It’s unlikely to be useful, but the process is helpful.
Travel light. Figure out what you can leave behind, and then then be prepared to drop it.
Hang on to the essentials.
Figure out why you’re jumping. Write it down.